I was studying psychology for a significant number of years at this point, and I thought it would be harmless.
But it wasn’t. It nearly destroyed my life.
And I am not alone in this. This experiment is run by most people. But the more dangerous part is not seeing it at all. If you’re sabotaging yourself and don’t realize it, the impact will be even worse.
So, what exactly did I do?
Well, one day, I was dealing with a failed romantic episode with a girl from my college. And instead of dealing with my feelings, I decided to amplify them.
To cause as much mental drama as possible about it, because I was tired of trying to deal with life healthily.
I thought that no harm would come out of my indulging in my feelings of sadness and depression. A little bit of catharsis wouldn’t hurt. After all, I was the “great psychologist”, immune to ailments of the mind.
I knew that even if I exaggerated my feelings, continuously ruminated, and damaged my psyche, I could bounce back. I learned the concepts of therapy, so I thought I could heal myself like a magician if needed. Therefore, a little bit of shit-talking wasn’t going to hurt.
Unfortunately, it did hurt.
Because I didn’t stop at my romantic life. I got addicted to my own misery. So I started shitting on my business efforts, laughing at my own lack of discipline, and severely indulging in toxic dopamine. Scrolling my brain out.
Within one year of starting this seemingly “harmless experiment,” my reality crumbled.
I got into the worst shape of my life, had no resemblance of discipline, and ended up with a job I hated. All of it because I lost to my inner demons, and instead of offering any resistance, I joined them.
I made my own mind the enemy.
The virus of misery
It’s very easy to complain.
To indulge in your own sadness. Parts of you crave that exact comfort. Why? Because once you have an excuse, you can justify avoiding any sort of meaningful suffering.
So if you only talk shit about yourself in your mind, if you let yourself amplify your presumed misery, gradually you plunge into the abyss. Your mind, the thoughts you have, and the echoes of your unconscious, mostly reflect your choices, actions and words.
If you choose to only throw stones at your inner self, an even sharper stone will be thrown back at you.
Once I realized that, I stopped.
But that breaking point didn’t create an instant identity shift. I couldn’t, after one year of only talking like a traitorous rat with myself, become turbo confident.
However, nothing stopped me from trying.
Breaking the loop
The easiest way to start feeling better is virtually the simplest thing you can imagine.
Sleeping better.
I know, right? These are absolutely revolutionary insights you are reading here.
But if you didn’t close your tab and unsubscribe yet, I have some more details about the story.
I could write a book on wellness and mental health, and explain to you the most complicated therapy frameworks, and not one thing would work if you sleep like shit.
The current stupid cultural trend of sacrificing sleep for greatness is the dumbest thing imaginable.
Having quality sleep is the best all-around enhancing drug imaginable. If you sleep well, you have more energy, you are 99% less likely to get sick, and your IQ is at its peak.
You can literally lobotomize your intelligence and put your immune system in total chaos by simply dismissing sleep.
That’s exactly what I did while I ran my brilliant “let’s get miserable” experiment.
I didn’t have any sort of sleep schedule. I slept whenever, woke up after 10 hours, or 5 hours; it didn’t quite matter. I didn’t care.
But that’s incredibly toxic.
So I fixed that first.
Magnesium threonate is KING
Ideally, you want to get the best sleep you can.
That means being relaxed, eating earlier during the day, considering blue light your nemesis, and starting to worship magnesium.
Magnesium threonate is the ultimate king form of magnesium.
The only form that passes the blood-brain barrier, meaning it does something besides becoming expensive piss.
Not to say that other forms like magnesium glycinate are bad, but personally, threonate is the only form that I could meaningfully see an impact for my life.
Now, on top of that, add exercise, sauna, a sleep routine, consistent waking and sleeping times, blackout curtains at night, and avoiding phones or computers.
And you should do well.
If not, hit a deep search on ChatGPT with what you tried, and look for alternatives given your current circumstances. It probably knows more about this than your local doctor.
If you don’t know how to do that, hit me up. ChatGPT-ism is my third language.
Sleep should be the number one priority for anyone trying to improve any sort of life outcome.
It worked like magic for me.
But sleep was only the foundation. The real work was in my head.
A new experiment
It was clear that you can influence your life by the way you talk to yourself. Therefore, by changing my narrative, I could also change my life.
So I did that.
Started with my thoughts. Fixed my sleep. Went to the gym. Wrote down some sort of anemic purpose, and fearfully pursued it.
After I improved my sleep, everything was easier.
I was already re-programming my mind by focusing specifically on positive thoughts while accepting the negative ones.
The trick is not to avoid your mind’s shit talk, but to accept it and let it go.
The more you try to excuse yourself, engage with it, and maybe even amplify it as I did, the more it will poison you. So to stop the flow, you don’t repress it; you simply let it be.
I know I sound like a meditation guru here, but it works. Buddhists wouldn’t have kept this practice for countless years if it were a joke.
Presence and acceptance are cures for suffering. Leverage them on your way to your destiny.
Gradually, things started to fit back together.
And as I progressed, as I listened more to my higher self, I healed. I got back into shape, started a successful business, and met an incredible woman who became one of the most important people in my life.
Things didn’t change overnight, because once you dig yourself into a hole, it takes time to climb back up.
Nevertheless, it is possible.
It just takes the realization that maybe you are hurting yourself. Maybe pitying your existence and victimizing won’t work. Maybe nobody will come to save you.
So the only reasonable choice is to save yourself.
Life can be better than you can imagine
Walking is meaningful. Breakfast. A laugh with friends.
Creating becomes almost effortless. You gain more glimpses into eternity.
Misery has no end, but neither does peace and meaning. You won’t be able to change everything, but you can certainly change a lot.
And whatever you can’t, for whatever reason, it was meant to be.
For the past few years, I lived the life I fantasized about a few years ago. I gained the material wealth I desired, built a great relationship, and got in the best health condition I’ve ever been in.
And even so, life didn’t spare me from challenges and suffering. But because I feel connected to a higher purpose, I see them differently.
Whatever comes my way and whatever struggle I happen to contend with, they are relevant to me. I might not see how exactly it is relevant today, but life taught me that I will see it one day.
Once you commit yourself to following the vision that comes from the depths of your soul, accept suffering as part of the process, and stumble toward it, something changes.
Your mind becomes your ally, strengthening your will, instead of an enemy contributing to your demise.
Your entire fate can change by simply changing your thoughts, and it’s a choice you can make right now.